why it's so damaging to souls & to society
Written 16 / 09 / 2023
In 2020 I was cancelled for my views on gender dysphoria. At the time I wasn't really aware of how this had shaken me to my core, it left me unknowingly living in survival mode for the three following years.
At the start of 2023 in an attempt to figure out my real feelings, I wrote a piece called "Destroy Her". A raw and open description of my experience with cancel culture. After writing, I got a strong yet unnerving feeling that I needed to film myself sharing it and then put the video online... so that's what I've done. You can watch it below or on YouTube.
I spent the 2 months after filming, watching myself back and letting my guard down. It was an unexpected, unplanned but extremely useful self-therapy tool. I took all my hard feelings to God and we got real with them. I purged, I cried, I crumbled and I snotted a lot. Healing is “messy” and it’s painful but oh my goodness is it freeing and up-lifting. I now feel so much more able to speak about my experience and my opinions from a place of passion and clarity. Which is relieving because for a long time I felt doomed, destined to feel outcast, ashamed and misunderstood FOREVER... the future did not look bright.
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The idea of cancel culture is so inhumane and its horrible and I'd even say life threatening for anyone to experience. However, the way women are treated does seems to be even more vicious. Women also tend to approach things more gently and with an open heart and so on top of this harsh treatment the points we are trying to make are often overlooked and deeply misunderstood. Women's vulnerability and our connection to our feelings is seen as a weakness instead of a strength, and an example to be learnt from.
When I was finishing up my writing, a 6 piece audio documentary called "The Witch trials of J.K. Rowling" was released. It is a fabulous investigative piece on cancel culture and how women are treated and it specifically looks at the case of JK Rowling. I cannot thank Megan Phelps-Roper enough for her brilliant an unbiased work, which helped me feel like I wasn't going crazy, that I was speaking up on an important issue. I highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in the topic of cancel culture regardless of what opinions and beliefs you hold.
Cancel culture affects each individual in very specific ways and too different depths. But one thing that is cosistent across cases is the fact that it is the most extreme form of bullying. So why then, if we are outraged and upset at the thought of bullying in schools, do we let this happen with adults on a global scale? No one should have to experience it, especially not in a society that claims to be just and developed.
I have decided to share my experience for three reasons:
1. In the hope that it might help anyone else who has also gone through this or anything similar.
2. To stand up against cancel culture and do my bit in trying to eradicate it from our society so that we can focus on truth and reparation not destruction.
3. To speak up, on my terms, against gender ideology.
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We need to be aware that cancel culture affects everyone. It creates a heavy environment of fear. It teaches you that if you speak up, you risk loosing your livelihood, your credibility, your friends or at the least that you will face a large level of hate and angry confrontation. In other words, you will not be safe, you will not be liked, you might face professional and financial ruin and you will be heavily mis-portrayed to the world in the process, why risk it? So its easy to understand why so many of us want to avoid this experience.
The vast majority of people do not believe that you can choose your gender. They don't believe that women can have penis' and men can menstruate. But they dare not speak up because of the atmosphere that has been created by cancel culture and I know this from the many conversations I have had with people on the topic both within and without the "LGBTQ community". The majority of people also dont want to cause anyone unnecessary hurt or upset, as a collective we are naturally compassionate and understanding.....and here in lies the problem. Cancel culture screams at you, that by disagreeing with what ever the "politically correct" narrative is, you are hurting people.
This is simply not true.
I also see a lot of people joining in with pronouns and gender non conforming language, because they think they have joined a movement of kindness and inclusion. But kindness and inclusion never go arm and arm with attacking and outcasting people. Someone can sit at the table and be treated with equality and kindness even though you dont see eye to eye. The two are not mutually exclusive. In fact being able to do this with people who see the world differently to you is a strong indicator of great soul qualities and an understanding of free will and true equality. My advice is:
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Always questions peoples motives, if in trying to get their message across, they negatively attack, mock, belittle, scheme against, or shame someone in the process.
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I believe we all support and contribute to cancel culture more than we think. After having this happen to me, I could see where I had previously still been contributing in many ways....
How often did I / do you indulge in stories or online gossip?
How often did I / do you believe what I read online?
How often did I / do you not freely speak my true feelings out of fear of attack?
How often did I / do you not support people who were being ostracised out of fear of disturbing the peace?
These questions are relevant for everyone and at any level, within families, with teachers, on your street or in your workplace. We need to work together to bring back free and open discourse.
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When people are afraid to speak their mind, we become much easier to control, and as a result, dangerous echo chambers are created. The knock on effect of which we are seeing play out real time, in our educational, medical and political landscapes, most notably so around the topic of gender. I am worried about kids and what they are being exposed to and the lack of support their parents have.
Its going to take a team effort of people to switch the tide on this, to get us back to where its ok to disagree and then have a constructive conversation. More importantly its highly unlikely that people will share their hearts when its not safe to do so but being open hearted and honest and vulnerable is often the most powerful tool for connection and understanding. I do feel we are seeing some changes in this area, people are feeling the lack of love in our world and they are craving realness. More people are speaking up, especially on the issues of gender ideology and evidence is building that this is far from the right path to go down.
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When cancel culture happened to me, I was in the middle of trying to open a new restaurant during covid. I lived alone, I had recently become estranged from my parents, I had no close friends nearby (outside of work)..... how I got through it I still dont really know. On paper my company and me shouldn't have survived. I want to say a huge thank you to all my co-workers who have stood by and supported me and during this time. This took integrity and bravery and I will be forever grateful for their support as well as the support of many strangers.
If you're interested, in my specific case, in the next section you can find more details of what happened and how my business continues to be affected.
I really urge anyone to have courage to speak their minds, it has completely unexpectedly been the best thing I have done. I have learnt so much about pains and shames that I had been carrying around for too long. If this or anything similar is happening or has happened to you, I'm sending you a big warm hug. You are not alone and please feel free to reach out to me, my contact details are the bottom of the page.
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I have faith that we can fix this, but its going to take a lot of conscious effort on a lot of peoples part to reach the tipping point.
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Be courageous, be real and treat others as you would want to be treated.
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Anna x
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Happy maki case study
Written 17 / 09 / 2023
I'm going to assume that in reading this you have watched the above video, the intro to which gives you a basic explanation of what happened to me and my business.
Whenever I start to write a deeper more up to date explanation of the details I get so overwhelmed and drained thinking back to shit show of what went down and the many gross misconducts that were carried out by my members of staff and how crazy my reactions were to being treated this way... hindsight eh! It would be impossible to explain every single detail and I dont really feel the need to but I'd be happy to share/ answer any specific questions that people had.
But what I will say is it was a perfect storm, a scary manipulative man, secret toxic romantic relationships in the workplace mixed with entitled, woke, mob behaviour of kids in their 20's, all desperate to present as justice warriors and all completely unaware of their extreme lack of understanding of ethicals and morality. I'm not mixing my words because I think calling it what it was is the only way to potentially help.
The way that these staff members chose to deal with "their concerns" not only affect me but also seriously affected the mental health of my two key managers. These managers had also been kept out out of the loop of what was being planned because these staff members knew they wouldn't be able to get them onboard. After choosing to stay to work with me for a couple of years they couldn't get over what had happened and eventually left the company for mixed reasons but this definitely contributed. I say this try and better illustrate the scale of the damage that these staff members and any one who jumped on this band wagon created.
When the staff didn't get the apology the wanted from their confrontation, they took their campaign public attempting to smear me and my business. After the first few weeks of public attack, instead of issuing an apology, I published a fully transparent blog post on my companies website.
This kind of took the wind out of their sales as I think in their eyes I'd just publicly admitted in detail to the transphobia that they had been accusing me of. Most of the ex staff members lost interested in the fight pretty quickly, maybe some of them came to their senses, I dont know I've never heard from any of them. But the one ring leader (the scary manipulative man) kept on pushing trying his hardest to sabotage me and the business. I think its more than fair to say that he developed an obsession with my demise and I had to get the police involved for my safety. There is always so much more going on in-between the lines with any hate or smear campaign. From what I've learnt listening to others stories, it's often a personal vendetta using a moral cause as sleeps clothing.
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The blog post that I wrote is no longer on the company website but you can read it below. It includes the full emails exchanged between myself and Henry and it addresses the claims made against myself. I also expand on the many ethical issue of how the situation was dealt with.
Along the way my business has also been cancelled from attending two music festivals, Shambala and End of the Road. The correspondence between myself and the festivals are below, so you can read their reasonings for not having me there along side my appeal against cancelling people in this way. My motive is not to name and shame these business's in a cycle of retribution. However I do think its important the people know they have chosen to actively take part in cancel culture.
I believe that my passion for transparency and ethical business is what makes people fall in love not only with the food, but with the spirit of Happy Maki and the environment that we create. There is part of me that wonders is this what saved it? Because on paper like I said before the company and I shouldn't have made it through this.
Maybe there is truth in the saying "Darkness hates the light, but is unable to extinguish it."
blog post
CORRESPONDENCE WITH END OF THE ROAD FESTIVAL:
REMOVED HAPPY MAKI FROM TRADING IN 2023
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EMAIL 1 FROM END OF THE ROAD TRADER MANAGER.
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Dear Anna,
Thank you for your email. I am afraid to say we won't be able to offer Happi Maki a catering pitch this year. I'm afraid to say we had a number of complaints about a stance you hold which is directly contradictory to our own. I suspect you will know what I am referring to without having to go into any more detail.
The directors' policy is always to make sure that the festival's good name is protected and therefore cannot be associated with any contractor that jeopardises this policy.
I would like to thank you for your work in the past and wish you well for the future.
Best
XXXX
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EMAIL 2 : FROM END OF THE ROAD TRADER MANAGER.
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Dear Anna,
This is a decision we wrestled with internally as we have always enjoyed working with you and having Happi Maki at End of The Road.
We sadly have received a number of emails from customers within the trans community who are upset with your presence at the festival due to the views you have expressed on gender. We can’t ignore these complaints.
End of the Road Festival strives to be an inclusive event and in the interests of that, we need to listen to and learn from our audience - which means we don’t feel we can offer you a pitch, particularly as the views in the public domain do not align with festival’s own.
All the best
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XXXX
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MY REPLY TO END OF THE ROAD : 15/03/2023
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Hi XXXX and Festival Directors.
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To be honest I'm still a bit confused as to what is so offensive, all of my opinions are backed by research and by the observations of people who are experts in their field. Unlike most people I am asking questions and looking at whats actually going on in gender politics because I care about people and I care about truth.
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The way I am being treated is completely out of order, if I was a minority being excluded for holding an informed opinion/ explanation there would be outrage. Can you imagine cancelling a stall because their owner was trans which had offended some feminists at the festival, it's like going back to the dark ages. But just because I am "white cis female" its ok to treat me like this?
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Why am I not being asked about my opinions, the nuances of what is a very complex topic, where is the due diligence on the festivals part? I dont know what End of the Road is prioritising here but its not inclusion or morality. Penalising me, my business and its employees just because I have been brave enough to be honest and highlight issues with the way gender politics and healthcare is going, is highly unfair. It's more than penalising, it's shaming and highly damaging behaviour that is only going to silence more people out of fear of being outcast. This is what has lead us to the echo chamber we are currently in, no one can say a single word, even when its from a place of concern.
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If your trans customers are offended by my opinion they can just not buy our food, that would be a normal response. However if I am displaying any act of discrimination and or mistreatment then yes of course do not invite my company to trade. We have many trans customers in Brighton who happily come and eat with us because they know they will be treated with kindness. They know that we dont live in a world with all the proven answers, we are not all going to agree on complex issues and that's ok. If vegans started complaining about meat traders choices around killing animals would you cancel all the meat traders? No we just dont eat at the meat stalls, not only that we're also friends with them all. At Happy Maki we sell vegan sushi, plant trees, feed kids and treat ALL of our customers and employees equally and with love, more so than a lot of other business's.
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If you have proof that i'm wrong or that what I am suggesting is so immoral that my company is no longer allowed at the festival then please do let me know, because so far nothing tangible has actually been stated. Anyone who follows gender politics and news knows that huge ethical and diagnostic mistakes are being made, people are being seriously mislead and irreversible damage is being done that is ruining peoples lives. You could soon easily have de-transitioners complaining that they find trans opinions and narratives to be triggering and offensive due to the trauma they have been through, then what do you do, cancel the trans individuals because the de-transitioners are offended? If one makes decisions based on such lacking logic it just creates a mess.
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Honestly this is most definitely not a threat, its a heads up. I am going to publicly tell the story of what has happened to me these last 2 years and how i've been treated. I hope that the festival is happy with their choice because it's a very clear statement of your stance on some very important topics. All we can do is make the decisions that we see are best fit, I have no doubt that this is what the festival has done, we all want everyone to feel safe, accepted and included.
I love End of the Road so I'm not suggesting anything is being done with malice here, but without hearing my feelings and thoughts on the issue you dont have the full picture. I have to stand up for myself and voicing what I feel is clear mistreatment and discrimination, in the hope that its helps avoid the mistreatment of others down the line.
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I wish you the best XXXX, I dont feel any of this needed to be brought into a conversation between a trader manager and caterer but here we are, it is what it is. If you're at Glasto please do still come by for some sushi.
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Anna.
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CORRESPONDENCE WITH shambala FESTIVAL:
REMOVED HAPPY MAKI FROM TRADING IN 2022
EMAIL FROM SHAMBALA - 31/03/2022
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Hi Anna and Joey,
Thanks for taking the time to talk to me this morning. Through various festival chat groups and message boards, our audience have been made aware of the backlash around the 'unhappy maki' situation and ensuing publicity - and members of our audience have been in touch with us directly about this which has put us in a tricky position as whilst we love the food offering and appreciate the many wonderful things Happy Maki is involved in, we are doing a lot of work around making Shambala more inclusive this year - particularly with regards to our trans audience members - such as bringing in consultants from this community to work with us on what we could be doing better and what blind spots we may have as a majority cis-gendered team. With this in mind, it does not seem appropriate for us to move forward with your pitch this year as we are concerned it will lead to controversy both online and potentially on site which could be distressing and hurtful to both audience members (particularly those who are a part of the Trans community) and also the Happy Maki team themselves, which is not something we wish to happen.
I understand this is painful and difficult and we regret any upset and distress this may cause.
Wishing you well for the future,
XXXXX
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XXXXX XXXXXX
Concessions Manager
(She/Her)
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EMAIL TO SHAMBALA - 06/06/2022 :
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Dear Shambala Board,
Firstly I want to thank Sarah for making the difficult call to myself and my business manager Joey a couple of months back now. She was kind and considerate and she listened to what we both had to say regarding the news of being cancelling from Shambala.
I do fully respect that Shambala is your creation and its completely up to you to choose which traders you select to serve food but I'd be lying if I said that the decision wasn't extremely painful to hear about for many reasons.
From what I have been told I understand that the decision was made by you with the goal of doing right by individuals but that it was also based on a fear of the kind of attack and negativity you might have to deal with should you have chosen to keep us there. The latter is something I can empathise with....you will likely never understand how terribly I have been treated over the past 2 years by people claiming to be standing up for inclusion and kindness. The affect that has on someone is pretty catastrophic and your decision to not include us this year has added to these feelings and is not representative of inclusion or kindness.
There are some issues of ethics that I would like the chance to raise regarding how the situation has been handled and the current issues around this approach to the gender narrative and cancel culture. I share the below because I know your desire is to create an ethical event and to prevent blindspots appearing in the way you operate regarding inclusivity. I also know, that like me you're passionate about ethics, which Is why we've enjoyed such a lovely working relationship so far together.
You guys mentioned that the concerns from your customers stemmed from the Unhappy Maki accounts that were shared online. I'm not sure If your team were aware but the online pages that were set up are illegal, full of false information and they were made purely to have a destructive effect on myself and my business. They were created by an ex employee who in their short time working with us caused great distress with many members of our team with their toxic and unkind treatment of others. I stood up to this person, called him on his behaviour and to this day he is still trying to destroy me and my business. I do not use those words lightly. This person who is behind the @unhappymaki pages (despite not being transparent about who created it) used trans rights as a front and is currently involved in a police investigation due to his illegal actions and continued abuse towards me. The motive of this individual and the people he rallied was not kindness, inclusivity and understanding it was hate and destruction wrapped in a rainbow flag. The use of his pages as resource for information should be done so with the utmost caution and discrepancy.
Secondly I have to be completely honest, It was really upsetting and very surpising that Shambala chose not to contact me directly to check the validity of the claims being made or to ask me any questions. We have had a working relationship for over 5 years now and are/were much loved. Would you guys mind explaining why this felt like the fairest way to approach the situation? Because that would really help me understand what's gone on here and where you're coming from.
For the records, my believes are is that gender dysphoria is a mental health issues, many trans individuals and medical professionals agree with this. I also believe that spirit influence has a large affect on every single person's mental health and is the missing piece of the puzzle with mental health disorders which as a global community we are getting worse at treating because we don't understand it. This isn't a transphobic opinion, its not specific to the trans community and it's not bigoted. There are psychologists out there who have written books showing a wealth of proof on what they have found in this area of research. My opinion is not harmful to anyone in anyway and I'd happily change my mind on a matter if presented with information that made more sense or showed evidence of truth. The Ironic thing is that I care a lot, I care about people and planet as you guys know. When there are red flags I will investigate and there are so many red flags in this movement that are being overlooked. I will not go along with something or stay silent when asked out of fear, thats how much ethics mean to me and what I feel true kindness to others looks like.
If it's ok I'd also like some clarification on what your stance is regarding discrimination against business owners based on their opinions and beliefs? Leading with the angle/logic that I think you're coming from (but please do let me know if I've misinterpreted) any stall owner who isn't fully onboard with the the gender narrative that "body dysmorphia isn't a mental health condition" should be excluded from the event?
If this is the case it would make sense to me that as part of your inclusivity research are you asking all traders their stance on this topic so you can take appropriate action across the board ? Or is Happy Maki the only company being held to this rule because I am transparent and honest? If thats so it's just really sad and unfair.
Cancel culture silences people showing them that if they share opinions on the topic that are not in line with a particular groups views they will be personally penalised and excluded for it..... I know you guys are aware how dangerous this approach to any political or social issue. I am not suggesting that the motive behind these decisions is facist but it's important to take a step back and examine the actual actions being taken outside of the noise of the conversation being had.
One of the reasons you listed for not wanting us to be there is that it may lead to controversy in person. It seems crazy to me that if people are threatening to be attacking, aggressive or disruptive that it wouldn't be those individuals who are removed from the event instead of us. We would never dream of being aggressive, disruptive or attacking and we truly are accepting of all and have no problem with how people choose to identify or express themselves as long as it isn't causing direct harm to others. This you know to be true based on our working relationship to date the, in your words, "exemplary example" that we set onsite with regards to business ethics and how we treat every single person we/ I come into contact with.
Claiming that my team being there would be the cause distress to individuals is simply not true, I can understand and fully empathise with people that might be upset with the what the have read on the Unhappy Maki page because its confronting. But the actual views that I hold are not causing any individual's their pain. If we start to change and mould the world in which we live to avoid any of our pains being confronted, we get further from healing and create more work that later needs to be undone.
Ironically because I care a lot about how I treat others and I am passionate about truth, I thoroughly investigate topics before coming to an opinion on them, and will not hold a solidified opinion on something unless I feel there is evidence for it. Silencing and excluding people who share legitimate concerns, based on research is not a space in which love and wisdom reigns. Unfortunately on the topic of gender narrative all logic and love has been lost due to fear around negative PR and vicious attack from the very community you're trying to protect which will never lead to an topic actually being fully understood and resolved.
There is a great amount of pain present in the trans community and in the entire population relating to gender and peoples true nature. Ironically this is something that I have a deep understanding of and personal experience with so I get it, I get why someone would want to remove their breasts etc etc I get the discomfort and how appealing alternative explanations and "solutions" to this discomfort might be.
As I'm sure you can understand we'll be fully transparent about why we are not at Shambala this year. Reason being that "you feel us being there doesn't align with the inclusive environment you want to create for the trans community."
I would like to ask you guys to please not share this email outside of the board, sharing it will lead to me receiving more abuse and attack which I know you guys don't want.
I understand that its busy time of year for you all and dont expect answers to my questions or even a response but I felt important to raise them, to share my reflections on the ethics and to let you know what this feels like to be on the other end of.
All the best for the event and if you want to have any further conversation on the topic in the future I am always open to kind constructive communication.
Warm wishes,
Anna